Dear Girl
Dear Girl,
We all have words that hover over our life and ring through our head that control, navigate, and guide our mental and physical steps in this world. You know, words like “fat”, “bossy”, “ugly”, “dramatic”, “frumpy”, “no,” “airhead” and the list goes on. Admittedly, a word that has held on to me for far too long is the word can’t. Can’t has proven to be one of the most painful yet powerful words living in and over my life as a mother, wife, professional, and pastor.
You see, two years ago this devastating word was spoken over my life (and to my face) by someone who I considered a friend. They told me that that I, a woman, “can’t” lead in my church. They said I shouldn’t and couldn’t be leading my church in a simple prayer on a Sunday, even though this was the church that my own husband started just a few years ago. This set me back. Before that moment, I had begun to feel God telling me that there may be more for me at our church than just cheering my husband on from the sideline. But, in an instant, someone spoke a crippling “you can’t” over my life and it hurt. It really hurt.
Fast-forward over a year and still God hadn’t quit on me. Inside my soul I began hearing whispers of a new word – can. My husband and I pushed past the words that had been spoken over us and began to let God’s voice speak more loudly than critics, which wasn’t easy. I really believed that can’t was transforming into a can in my life. I started to believe that I had been chosen, called, and sent for greatness. In that season, I was able to speak at and lead two women’s events in our community and I started seeing God move and stir up the women in our church, He was transforming their can’t into a can too. It was wonderful.
But then it happened. The word was again spoken quite loudly over my life - can’t. But only this time, the words came out of my own mouth. I can’t. As we planned for a Mother’s Day service for our church our team excitedly suggested that I should preach at church that day. Without thought the words “I can’t” just came out of my mouth. That I can’t quickly felt like a drowning of shame and sorrow. Why did I say that? How could the first response to an opportunity to do something that I had been developing love for be such a horrid response. Why didn’t I even consider it? The can’t that I spoke over myself proved to be even more painful than the one that was spoken over me.
I was so mad at myself. Somewhere deep and engrained inside of me, though unaware, was still the word can’t. We spent the better part of a year challenging the status quo of women’s place and role in church, culture, and the home. We spent days unpacking the small box that women were “allowed” to operate in, and more so, opening the boxes she was never permitted to open. And still, I realized that my identity as a woman, and even more as a leader at my own church was defined by someone else’s words. It had been crafted by culture, tradition, and misunderstanding of who Jesus is. And even worse, I had the stark realization that I allowed others to tell me who I am and I hadn’t fully allowed God that privilege.
In the midst of my pain I began to hear God. He revealed to me a new perspective. A thought, “Maybe leadership, greatness, and the ability to break through the glass ceiling wasn’t reserved for a select few women in history. Maybe God never intended for there to be a ceiling to break at all.” This thought and my experience has led to my now firm conviction that we created the ceiling ourselves.
So, I made a choice. My husband and I made a choice. It was time for us to stop letting others tell us about our God and our place in His plan, and it was time for God to tell us who He is, who we are, and what He wants us to be in His story.
It hasn’t been easy, and not every step has been clear or concise, but again and again God has been speaking over me His word – can. I am learning and leaning into my own calling to pastor and lead my church, I also ache to speak over women that they can too. They can be greater. They can be more powerful. They can lead in a church, a boardroom, a classroom, and their own home. They can do more than they’ve been previously taught and told. They have a creator who is passionately and actively seeking to break through the lies and can’t living over their lives like He is breaking through mine.
This was how ANX Girl was born. We wanted to create a time and space where the church leads a conversation on potential of women in our city. We need to talk. For far too long tradition, stereotypical and cultural norms, and religion have defined women. That’s God’s job. We have an entire community of women, young and old, and a generation to come who are depending on us to fight the lies and let the truth of God shine brighter than the words we have allowed to replace it.
Girl, I believe in you. So does God. With God’s help, you can do anything. I am cheering you on and I look forward to moving and shaking the world in the name of Jesus with you!
It’s time. Let’s go Girl. The world needs you.
Sincerely,
Pastor Rachel Del Toro